Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Drake has all the answers
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
