VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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