i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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