Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
