was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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