I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
