how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
