Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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