What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
