i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Your penis caused this!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
