Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
