We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
