I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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