My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
