Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize