The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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