the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
