It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
