I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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