While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
