got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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