Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She bit a glass in half.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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