How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
