FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
