She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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