I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
