He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
