he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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