The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
