Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
