Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
