Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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