Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
