My balls are so social today.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm getting married
To pizza
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
