If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Last time i carry you out of a forest
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
