two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
