You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Randomize
