I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
