hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
