I didn't shave. On purpose
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
