Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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