i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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