We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
as a side note pls kill me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
