how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
third nipple confirmed
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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