went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
