I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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