So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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