I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
