I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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