Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
